A few thoughts on forgiveness

This is yet another topic that we have been discussing as part of my Conflict and Culture class. It is a fascinating one. In the scriptures, forgiveness seems like such a simple concept. We are told we are required to forgive all of our brothers and sisters and God will forgive whom he will. (D&C 64:10). So what exactly is forgiveness? It is defined by lds.org as letting go of the blame for an offense or misdeed done by another. Children are exceptional at forgiving. But we as adults tend to hold on to grudges that ruin our peace and keep our mind occupied. One way to tell that you have forgiven someone, in my opinion, is that it no longer spins around in your head mercilessly and the weight of the trouble is gone. I loved the comment given in class that some people view Hell not as a place but as a state of your soul. You cannot be at peace if there is a lack of forgiveness in your heart.

A distinction was also made in class between forgiveness and reconciliation. You can forgive someone and be done with that person, put them aside and not have any other dealings with them. Reconciliation is the renewal of a full relationship with that person. Interesting to note is that the Greek word that the word "Atonement" was coined to capture in the translation of the Bible into English was the word for "Reconciliation". Through Christ's sufferings, we aren't only forgiven of our sins, but our relationship with God becomes restored. Through much work of our own, covenants made with God powered by Christ's atonement, we can eventually be restored back to God's presence, reconciled fully. As we repent along the way, we are reconciled bit by bit with an increase in the Holy Ghost and peace in our hearts. Reconciliation is the most difficult thing to accomplish in this world. The cost for us to be reconciled to God is so great that it cost God His only begotten Son.

On a side note. I was contemplating the phrase "Prince of Peace" a few days ago, wondering why it says "Prince" and not "King". Surely this wasn't just a nice gesture of alliteration. Perhaps it is to draw attention by Christ, who always gave glory to His Father, that there is a "King" of peace. It is a Father and His Son. When you take time to think about that and all it implies it is very touching. I read, for class, of people in Mozambique who sought peace with their neighbors whom they had killed. As a peace offering, they would give up a child to the family of whom they had murdered a child.

It seems that the more we are able to feel the effects of the atonement in our own life, the more we are able to extend love towards others. This may be arguably untrue if you look at the parable of the rich man being forgiven his debt and then shortly thereafter not forgiving his servant of his debt. But, I think it is true that when you feel God's love through being forgiven, it is natural to want to extend that love to other people. The important ingredient that must be present, that obviously wasn't in the story of the man with the debts and the debtor, is the feeling of empathy we need to have. When we feel God's love for us, we can choose to allow that to feel empathy towards others.

We may not all go out and commit serious offenses against others, but lets face it. We all have weaknesses and do things that hurt others. Also, I have found it unjust to hold a person accountable and to blame for an offense in my heart if I did not approach that person and explain to them the truth of what happened from my own perspective. Half of the time I think others aren't aware of what we feel so strongly they did to wrong us.If we don't ever approach them or discover the truth, we may be stuck in holding in those awful feelings. The added inner animosity we have towards them in our hearts is perhaps the reason that we, the un-forgiver, hold the greater sin. We have the lesser portion of peace.

Learning how to forgive is a quest of a lifetime. It is perhaps one of the greatest things a person can master. Only through forgiving and loving and by the power of Christ that is involved in such, can we find a true peace on earth.

Stereotypes

This was a moment of thought I had last semester where I went into a typing frenzy. I thought I'd post it anyway:

One of the most dehumanizing things we do to each other in this world is stereotyping. We are almost taught to do this. In literature, a teacher may ask us to make assumptions about a certain character based on only a few facts. When we see someone is of a different race, culture, locality, or group we have an automatic tendency to assume that they have certain characteristics of that group. There are general characteristics, but to assume that everyone fully exhibits them is an error. When we do so, we take away the unique richness of that individual. Stereotyping can be more subtle than ‘the Asians are this way and the Germans are that way.” We all do it. It is in more common comments such as “girls are complicated and boys are dumb.” Dating rules and assumptions that go along with them are some nasty culprits. Or we can make a judgment on a person based off of someone else’s opinion. We should stop and think, is that person really an expert on this particular individual? Do they really know what makes them click, their worldviews, culture, needs, experiences, and values? No, they don’t. No two people have exactly the same make up. We are aware of this and see it in the known fact that siblings raised in the same family can be totally different. So why do we assume that people raised in the same religion, same profession, same gender group, or same anything are truly the same? Comments like “your just like this or just like that person” are red flags. We encourage stereotypes by communicating with less and less words using text, and facebook ‘like’ buttons that are convenient but lack depth. We do not know why a person likes something, only that they do. I’m not saying that these tools are all bad. I use them and am glad to have them, but it is important to be able to share in more detail what we are thinking.

I played a little game a few weeks ago where I decided to pay attention very carefully to what I said and catch any stereotypes, or general assumptions of a group of people, popping out of my mouth. Within five minutes I had caught myself at least twenty times in a conversation with a friend. We both laughed about it but it was a sad discovery. You may even find a few stereotypes in this post.

The flip side to judging other people is encouraging stereotypes upon ourselves by assuming that other people know who we are and what we are thinking. I am reminded of an experience I had with a girl I babysat. It had been about a year into living with this delightful Jewish family when I was tucking her in bed one night and as I did she said, “can I talk to you for a minute?” in a very serious tone. My response was a simple, “Sure.” She started, “You know, there’s a little I don’t know about my mom, but there is a whole lot I don’t know about you. Tell me some things about you and pick the best ones because you have a whole lot of options.” I then rattled off a few surface things such as “I like horses, singing and books.” and then said, “the two most important things to me are family and God.” She responded with, “ I never knew that!” This strangely surprised me. I didn’t talk with these children about religion except what was in the Old Testament out of respect for their parent’s wishes to avoid confusion. But I had assumed that she would just know from my actions what I believed or valued. This shows me that not only do we need to avoid stereotyping others, but we need to not assume that people know everything about us.

I was reading recently in the Book of Ether about the Brother of Jared praying that his family and friends language could be spared confounding so they could understand each other. What an important need that is! Of course, language is limited, but it is a great gift from God to allow us to have mutual understanding and learn from each other. Its learning how to express ourselves and understand others that is the tricky part. I remember a fireside in the MTC that I went to where Elder Scott spoke on the Gift of Tongues. “The spirit given gift of tongues is not just the increased ability to learn language, he said, it is the ability to have heart to heart communication” This doesn’t always happen. It takes practice to develop this gift, language ability, and slow deliberate judgment so we can truly know what is going on with another person. We have to express who we are, which can be tricky, but if we don’t we are allowing erroneous judgments towards us to be spread. Next time we are ready to make a hasty judgment towards someone, stop and ask the deepening whys, whats, and hows about them to uncover new insights we may have missed at first blush.

A few thoughts on making the world a better place...

We were given the assignment in class to write five things that will help our spouse earn more money in their job. Here is my response:

First of all, I feel that this assignment, to describe how to help my future spouse get more money in his future career, is not congruent with the ideas we have been discussing in class. If money were the only focus of things, this may be a good assignment. However, I feel that we have been discussing finding social needs and using entrepreneur skills to satisfy those needs to improve and change the world. I do not feel that I improve the world by making my family rich. To have our needs satisfied is sufficient for me. I feel that riches come to those who are willing to us them to serve others. I don’t think that one way is better than another to serve so I’m not going to pick his career for him. When I say serve, I mean to benefit the life of another person, which doesn't mean it has to be a volunteer activity. I think service can include pay. In that vein, here are the five things that I would want for my husband in his future career that would make my family and the world a better place:

1. A flexible schedule. I feel that being able to choose and manipulate a schedule is a key ingredient to being able to serve the needs of those around you. If someone needs your help or you need a break yourself for rejuvenation, this allows the opportunity that presents itself to be taken.

2. A passion for what he does. If my husband doesn’t enjoy what he does and feel like he is making a difference in the world that suits his unique talents and capabilities, he or I will not be happy and he won’t want to go to work.

3. Maintain balance: Life requires many roles to be played: Father, Church member, employed person, soccer coach, etc. If you get burned out by doing too much of one thing then you are less effective and not good to the world.

4. Collaborate with others. I feel that no one person can do the work they need to get done on their own. There are many people with skills and expertise that need brought in on a project or situation sometimes to benefit another and sometimes for their own benefit. Serve others and improve the world by allowing them to use their skills to their maximum potential.

5. Don’t allow hurdles to stop your progress and don’t leave people behind. Build relationships with people and don’t take the phrase “it has always been done this way” to keep you from trying something new. If others aren’t initially on the band wagon, keep working it until the dream becomes a reality.

Visualizing Christmas

So, this is the first Christmas I've ever had where there isn't snow, cold, and the surrounding abundance of Christmas decorations. Don't worry. This doesn't mean there is no display of Christmas. There are lights on palm trees and houses and BYU has a really grand light display at it's entrance and a great nativities around campus. But the warmer weather and sandy beaches does make it a very different sort of flavor for Christmas. I say warmer weather instead of warm weather because at night it does drop down sometimes to a whopping 70 degrees and I get cold. This may seem ridiculous to all of you who are fighting 30 degrees or less and some frigid winds. But when you've been in the warm weather so long, your body heat regulation gets lazy from lack of extremes and your blood thins so that your cold temperature tolerance scurries away. I still wear flip flops around town but have donned my socks and added a blanket for several cooler nights. That said, it is a wonderful time of year to be here with wonderful people and events going on. Despite the differences in scenery, it is definitely still Christmas and I've made a little Hawaiian style song to commemorate the most important parts. They are, as you know, constant anywhere you go. I hope you like it.

Trick or Treat at Moana Street

Back in the day Trick or Treating was looked forward to with great anticipation because it was not only the the time to see how much candy I could fit inside of my cavernous pillow case, but it was the time to get together with my siblings, dress up in funny clothes, and go show the costumes to the neighbors. There was a street in my neighborhood you may have heard of named Osmond Lane. It was where all of the Osmond brothers at one time lived and is flanked with a gate and lined with imposing large Mansions. Every year this was the street to go to for gathering the best candy. Cars would line up and down the neighboring road as kids in costume popped in and out of their doors. I don't know if every neighborhood has such a street that draws the masses. If you are looking for it, I have found the trick or treating street of all streets and I doubt you could ever meet its equal.
Moana street is a relatively short street, flat, graced with palm trees and one story homes. It's the church-owned affordable housing for BYU Hawaii's faculty. I had heard more than a month before that this was the place to be on Halloween night (Saturday night for the Mormons). So I got dressed up in my outfit as a giant doll, walked a few blocks, and sat outside my friend Ellen's house to join in the festivities as a candy distributor. The street was completely packed with children in amazing costumes. The air was warm and caressing. One house even had Christmas style lights and spunky Hawaiian music as they passed out their candy. Ellen had 800 pieces and it was gone in just over an hour. It's not just for the candy that these people come. It is probably the safest street on the Island and a largely LDS crowd. The children are from all over the world. One Japanese boy who must have been under the age of two but walking was dressed in an adorable Curious George Bunting with a hood. His big brown eyes peeked up at me. After I dropped the candy into his bucket, he looked up and instead of the usual "thank you" with a little prodding from his dad offered me a bow. I bowed back. What a moment! I did find I had a hard time at first saying "Happy Halloween" instead of "Trick or Treat" but got it down eventually. I've never had so much fun passing out candy!

Liz patting Kei's powdered hair.


Kei, Ellen, a golfer, and I


I loved the Leprechauns!

Halloween

Halloween is coming up this weekend. The best part about Halloween for me is dressing up in costumes. This year I suggested I could be a tourist but my roommate pointed out to me that I would just be blending in with the masses. So it's not a tourist, but will be revealed on Saturday. I must say, without the cold and change in the leaves, there are only a few reminders that it is that time of year. One would be the smashed vegetation in the roads. Oh wait. I guess smashed coconuts are year round. Two would be the calendar. Lastly, Three would be the spooky music and screams coming from the PCC at night. Since the economy went down new and creative ideas have been found to raise a few more dollars. One of them is the Haunted Lagoon. During October, four nights a week, they turn the canoe tour through the villages into a theme park like ride of costumes, story, and scariness. I'm not really into the scariness part of Halloween. Its dark and can get ugly. But I did go on the ride and found they do a really high quality job and some excellent elements. Most of people in it are volunteers too but you would never guess because it is so high quality. My ward went for FHE and below is pictorial proof of it. Allow me to introduce a few people. You can guess who's who, after all it is the season of disguise. The obvious one is my wonderful bishop and his wife. He's from Fiji. There's the boy who on first meeting me asked "how many cows are you?" I walked in on a conversation where he was talking about his claim to fame being his great-great-grandmother as the old woman on Johnny Lingo after the line "eight cows for Mahana!" She gapes her mouth open wide. There's my surfer buddy. My roommate. A girl who served in my mission leaving only a few months before my arrival. My Malaysian teacher. My cowboy friend. My car oil changing comrade. My "I carry my Uke with me like a teddy bear" friend. And quite a few others but that's enough introduction for today. Aren't they beautiful?

The PCC

Over the river and through the woods, well actually across a very small road and a few palm trees from my house, is this big compound with occasional loud noises of booming drums, strange shouts, and lively singing emanating from its walls. Last week I made an appearance there to see what all of this excitement was really about. I was told that the Hawaiian Islands are the most isolated land in the world and if I was to go jump in the ocean and start swimming it would be over 2,000 miles before I was to reach another shore outside these few Volcanic bumps in the sea. But, despite what they said, you'd be surprised with what you can find here.

Family...

family...












and more family.


Actually, if you count Hawaii as part of Oceana instead of it's usual place in North America (I know it's not but just say if it was), two of these found people have stood with me on five continents in the last two years. I think I need to plan a trip to South America and see if they end up there too. I also met people from Georgia, Ohio, Tonga, and my Comm 252 class. Who knew? :)

All that delightful noise? yes, it is a party.



The canoe show. You may ask, "Do they ever fall in?" Well, I don't know if the dancers do but the canoe pushers on one vessel were pushed in by the dancers.

Tongan drum show. They always make sure and grab one person from Japan to come up and join in on the festivities.


Hawaiian royalty. I decided to play paparazzi from afar.


The Iospa ship: what they used to get around from here before all those metal boats and planes were available.




Another recipe to add to your collection. This Tahitian Coconut bread is GOOD!















I played Tongan shuffleboard. They use cool looking wild beans and homemade mats. I want to learn how to make the mat.

I visited all seven villages, made a rose and a fish out of Pandalas and Coconut leaves, watched the fire dancers, ate like a queen at the Luau, and enjoyed the people both new and known. It's amazing what you find when you make an effort to meet the neighbors!